If there is a solution that I can purchase that could make this go away, I would seriously consider it. I have join gyms, martial arts, kept myself entertained, but my mind is still messed up. Why can’t I get over it!

Like I have said, I need to find myself a muse. Something that I take great passion and joy in. Like, umm… ummm… I don’t know.

I guess I just shouldn’t speak to them, I shouldn’t be worried that if they are in trouble, but that is just me, I guess I’m a worrier, when I shouldn’t be. The world deliver the virtual that they deserve. If that is so, does that mean I deserve this?

Be yourself, be cool, show no emotions, show no fear. Don’t believe in hope, as it is useless, focus, focus on what is important, focus on what you need to do.

Be the bigger man, be the man you want to be.

There are many reason why you should never communicate with your ex, one of my colleagues is write, I am Mr Lid.

I just want to say is that, Mrs X, my best friend, the only reason why I’m not completely honest with you, is I’m afraid that IF you know the real me, would you accept who I am, or what I want to be. I wonder if you are feel this pain that I am experiencing, the pain of lost hope, lost love.

I’m currently working out a game plan on how to make my life better, something more pleasent, more bareable, something that doesn’t hurt me and you. I kind of have a game plan, but it hasn’t been ironed out yet, and it is something like this, you go clubbing, I go to dance lessons, you stay over at peoples places over night, I shouldn’t worry, you ring me, I won’t. I’m doing this so that I leave a good impression of what has to happen.

It seems like I’m going through a cycle with all my close girlfriends, they seem to grow sick of me, well not sick, through my preception it seems like I am a thawn on their side. My feelings are not going through a filter, or that they are going through a filter when it shouldn’t be. My conversation isn’t as engaging, and I’m more of a caring fatherly figure, than a fun filled lover.

There must be something wrong with my personality, or the way I approach things. I need to work out a long term game plan where she won’t leave me. I guess what I want is to spend my time with someone I really care about, and that person has to care about me, they have to be good looking, rich, beautify, and easy going behind the sheets.

I wanted to say that my feelings for you hasn’t changed, I still want to be with you, the one that you confide in, the one that you can turn to when your bored, alone, sad, happy or what ever feelings that reside in you. I know I am the one that broke it off, but I did it to make you happier, which it did happen, but I’m the one who is alone and sad. I know this feeling for you would change, and one day in the future I will think that I’m stupid for feeling this way, but I’m not in the future anymore, I’m in the present, and I feel hollow.

What I wanted to say to you is that, I want you to be a big part of my life again, but I have decided against it as I know you are happier this way, in which I am glad for you, and does put this pain at ease. I won’t put you in a situation that I have placed other people in the past, making you choose, but I won’t tell you what my true feelings.

Hope that one day I can look deep down into your eyes and not fall for you.

I guess I just have to hide/leave my feelings here, and do not show designs of distress. I am a grown up but I stil act like a little girl who just can’t seem to get over what has happened in the past, or what could of happened if we didn’t break it off. I know I am the one who actually broke it off, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have regrets, my feelings for you hasn’t changed even though it has been so long, even though it just seems like yesterday.

I miss you, I want to call you, but I do not want to interfer with you anymore, but I’ll wait for your call.

I should make the better of my moments, as I know that I cannot gain them back, so I have to make the best of it, you only live once right? I wish I had the same power as the guy in butterfly effect. To change what had happened, but I would probably end up like him, killing himselves as I think I care too much for others.

You know how the saying “Nice Guy Finish Last”, well I think I’m that guy and I will die as a Virgin =(. But hey, I don’t live for getting some action, but having some would be great, I guess if I had some I wouldn’t be too much of a prick today, but then again, I wouldn’t know, I could of been even worst that what I am atm.

But oh wells, I say fcuk it, and let the past be the past and live for the future, as i’m sure I’ll get what I deserve, but I guess saying that just means i’m just leaving my fate to a god that i believe that exist.

 I wish this editor would be a little larger, or have the option to expand.

If you think my opinion has changed part way, it is because it has, i wrote the first few paragraphs about a week ago =).

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